James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, suggests forming identity-based habits. The same is true when it comes to our everyday habits, as small habits have a big impact on how we move energetically through the day. These tiny hinges allow us to open and close a large door with minimal effort. Next time you walk through a door, notice the size of the hinges. Inspired by the work of Brené Brown, I make it a regular practice to ask myself, “What’s the story I’m making up in my head about what’s happening?” The brain LOVES to make stuff up when we don’t have all the facts.
New habits and behaviors require a growth mindset, so these limiting beliefs need to be pulled out by the roots before they take over the garden of our mind. “I’m bad at math.” “I’m horrible with directions.” “I’m always late to appointments.” “I’m impatient.” “I’m not a morning person.” “I’m a people pleaser.” When we hang our hat on these types of identity foreclosure statements, we subconsciously scan our lives for proof and verification, creating a vicious cycle.
So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weakness, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow.” The opposite side of the coin is a fixed mindset, with limiting beliefs that can undermine our potential for growth. If acceptance is the first step toward growth, belief in our ability to change is a close second.Ĭarol Dweck, author of Mindset, says, “In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. Growing up, my dad had a saying: “Can’t never did anything.” Anytime I would complain that I couldn’t do something, which really meant I don’t know how/I don’t want to/I’m scared/I don’t think I can, he would smile and reply, “Ginny, Can’t never did anything.”Īlthough as a teenager I’m certain I rolled my eyes, looking back now I realize this simple statement was his way of helping me cultivate a growth mindset. I also begin to ask empowering questions, such as, “What can I learn and how can I grow through this experience?” I allow myself to work with the situation instead of wishing it were different. This mindset shift from resistance to acceptance fuels my sense of agency, ignites curiosity, and inspires innovative problem solving. Frustration and rumination are my red flags, and when I notice these triggers are present I simply take a breath, step back from the situation, and accept what is.
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This works for big changes such as company re-organization as well as small changes such as learning a new software program. My mantra when I feel resistance begin to bubble up is “accept, then act,” especially when facing a change I did not choose or do not want. We waste precious time and energy when we resist the reality of a situation. In the words of psychologist Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that the more I accept myself, the more I can change.” This also applies to our daily experiences. Although it doesn’t always come easily, I believe acceptance is a catalyst for growth. I place a tremendous value on personal growth, and I want to uncover my limiting beliefs and identify blind spots that get in the way. When it comes to leadership, I’m humbled by the reminder that I can’t lead anyone above or beyond the level I lead myself.
Thankfully, we can look to the science of positive psychology, neuroscience, and behavioral psychology to shed light on research-backed practices that empower individuals to thrive, even in the midst of change. Joe Fallacy,” proves that “merely knowing something is not enough to put it into practice or change your behavior.” This certainly explains why the majority of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by February. Unfortunately, knowing what I need to do doesn’t always guarantee I’ll take the necessary steps. For example, if I decide I want to better manage my stress and spend some time researching strategies to come up with a plan of action, I now know what I need to do. We often have the information or knowledge we need, but research shows that common sense does not automatically become common practice. It’s hard enough to change beliefs and behaviors I actually WANT to change.Īs a health coach, I am fascinated by human behavior, and I’ve seen many people (myself included) struggle to close what I call the “gap”: the space between where we are and where we want to be. The process of change is messy and uncomfortable, and when fear is driving the bus it’s easier to complain, criticize, or shut down and avoid the work. Change can make me bitter instead of better, especially when I’m facing unwanted or unexpected change. Although change is inevitable, experience reminds me that growth is optional.
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